Death Warmed Up

It’s a really fun little saying. I always think of someone putting me in the microwave and nuking me. But that is how I feel right now. Like death warmed up.

Which is, if you can imagine, not the best place to be in a week and a half till D-day.

However, gives you an interesting perspective because you really don’t give two craps about anything anymore.

Have you found a place for your rehearsal dinner? Nope

Have you ordered your guestbook? Not at all

Have you put together your programs? No.

Are you going to get out from under those covers and pretend to be an adult with sh*t to do? Nah.

If you are missing your daily dose of wedding talk, I invite you to visit any of the links listed on the right hand side.

Claire is back to blogging and she cracks me up.

I know it is in vogue right now to hate on the inspiration to reality (???) photo shoots going on at Style Me Pretty but I am really digging this latest one. The feminine glam with a bit of striped masculinity is love personified. And they have the “translated” version for the realist in all of us.

Souris Mariage says “no” to wedding beautification for the sake of wedding beautification (shiates! Say that 5 times fast). I love that. Mainly for my own self reassurance that I am not crazy for not exercising. Though, I am trying to mantain my weight (I know you hate me). I lost an inch between my two last fittings and progressively losing more weight. It’s the stress. Seriously. Now, where did I put my Oreo cookies? 

I hope to be back on my feet (and my keyboard) pronto. God, are you reading this? I have not the time for sick.

 

Till then, I am on bloggy break, lovers. Ciao.

Beautiful Texas Engagement Shot

There are a lot of things about Texas I can gladly live without: the heat (Can you believe I come from Malaysia? I should be Miss. Tropical herself but everytime the summer comes around I get the worst heat headaches), the humidity (again, can you believe I am Malaysian?), the mosquitoes, the huge vastness (I have to drive 45 minutes to see me sister. We are technically suppose to be in the same city).

What I do love about Texas is the light. The beautiful golden light which makes for some fantastic pictures. Case in point, this gorgeous engagement session from Jeremy Gilliam. I am all vintaged out. Now, you are going, “Who is this person writing? Jesselyn would never tire of vintage!” Seriously, there comes a time, when you say, “Let’s retire the hat boxes and vintage suitcase… moving along now”. If you have to buy your props for your photoshoot that it is obviously not you.

Sarah’s dad owns a bike shop so it only makes sense for her to have vintage bicycles and boots (hello, Texas!) in her engagement photos. Paired with the easy-breazy 70s-esq vintage + golden Texas light = amaze-bob. See, have not moved on from vintage, just to a different era!

Sarah, if you are reading this and you are probably not but that is okay, this one is your winning shot right here.

The funny part is change the location (cobblestone somewhere), tweek the clothes (cute hate, striped sweater, cropped jeans and ballet flats) and you could be in a french magazine. Easy Pease.

The photographer is Jeremy Gilliam. Unfortunately, he is not Shoestring Bride friendly (I think he starts at $3K). He did not pay me to feature him on my blog (nobody does), I found him (of all places) on Facebook! His “About Me” page made me laugh his “About Me – Pricing” made me cry. He wore a Dr. Pepper tee shirt that scored him brownie points and apparently comes from Oklahoma which promptly took away said brownie points.

 

 

All pictures credited to Jeremy Gilliam

Sick But I Am Still Judgy!

I wish I look this hot when I am sick.

So here I am on my death bed feel sorry for myself. Alright, I really only have like a sore throat, swollen glands, and a mouth full of sores. It sounds like I have cancer but I promise you I don’t. I think. Not that I know of anyhow. I have bigger things to worry about. Like paying the outstanding amount due on my wedding contract. Urgh, I know, right, nothing like a bill to make you feel perky.

Here I am doing what I always do while I am sick and feeling sorry for myself: stalk others on Facebook. Oh, shut it, you know you do it too. At work while the boss is away no less, but it is okay, I am not judging. One of my acquiantances has recently gotten married. Oh joy, wedding pictures to look through. I am excited. Her engagement pictures were lovely, I was excited to see what her photographer did with her wedding. Gorgeous: bouquets of hydrengeas and roses, fondant cake (yuck – I know they say they do amazing things with fondant now but I persist on being judgy), beautiful dress, … and a gun on the groom’s cake. I started to snort a “are-you-freaking-kidding-me” snort and caught myself.

Seriously, I am doing it again! Judging someone’s celebration of their commitment to love and cherish each other. What the heck is wrong with me? I would love to blame it on the medications I am taking. Or the fact that I am tragically ill with gosh knows what (probably nothing but I still feel like crap). Truth be told, I do this when I am well too. So sickness and health probably not the reason why. I guess when you are like me and looking at wedding photos day in and day out like it is my freaking job, anything less than the most perfect wedding screams “put me through the wringer!” and “what was she thinking?” More like what am I thinking?

Of everything in the wedding industry that I despise (and there are quite a bit I assure you), I think it is this mentality that I hate the most. That we think it is okay to judge someone’s wedding like we judge so many other things. Sometimes we think it is our God given right. “They spent blah-blah-blah only to come up with this?” you think as you walk through the reception hall. Um, yes, actually, we spent this much money, so you have a good time, we spend plenty of tears, money, phone minutes, effort, time for you to have a good time and enjoy the two people it is celebrating and all you can think about it “wow, look at those centerpieces. So would not have done pears”. 

Makes me wonder what about weddings that makes us judgemental. Even if we are not typically judgement, all of a sudden all you can think about is “I wonder if she is wearing silk taffeta?” Unlike funerals where you don’t go “wow, she is burying him in that? She couldn’t even spring for Ralph Lauren on his death bed?” So I yahoo-searched “why do people judge weddings?” and came up with na-da. A lot on homosexuality and marriage which is a subject for another day and another time. So fine, I get on ole’ Fateful: google. Nothing. There is something about judging other’s wedding registry on The Nest. That board is scary and I don’t have time to peruse through the many many responses. This gives me an idea though, I post the thought up on a wedding board I use to frequent and wait for the responses to roll through. Within 5 minutes I had 8 responses. Apparently, I had struck a nerve (or two, or three).

 Problem is, judging is one of those things that we just do. I confess, I judge on an almost minute to minute basis. Did you see what she wore? Did you see her face? What was she thinking? I am a judger. So, from a judger’s perspective, we judge because we think (whether or not it is really true) that we can do better. I justify that I can, in fact, I am allowed to judge what people wear because they have absolute control over what they wear where they have no control over their skin color, their family, or their physical appearance. In fact, I really just judge because I think I can do better or I am doing better. Just like weddings, I suppose. I know some of it is watching for what not to do: do not let guest sit and wait for you to finish your photographs for an hour and a half, etc. For the most part though, it is because you think you can do better. I would not have worn that dress. I would not have done that. A lot of it too is something stemming from distance. The more you know the person or the closer you are, the less likely you are to judge them. Something like being in their shoes (not literally of course) or something like that. If you are really close to the person, you are less likely to go “I hate your shoes” (unless, you are me) and more “that is so you”. In a wedding it runs pretty similar I think. When you know how much they worked for their wedding and all the stress they put into making things perfect the less likely you are going to go, “they gave us what for favors?” because you are more focused on them. The big picture and less about me, or you, or stupid things that don’t matter.

You know you hate most what you see in others what you find in yourself?

I hate that I judge. Especially now that I am “on the other side” I know what matters: not the favors, not the food, not the centerpieces. The people and the love. Isn’t that what life is all about after all?

 

 

P/s – But seriously? A gun on your wedding cake. Okay. I am just kidding. Kinda.

Naomi Campbell from Fashionista

Lunch With The Pastor

I went to have lunch with two of my favorite people in the world today! My ex-college minister and his darling daughter who I am unashamed to admit I have been stalking on Facebook since forever and a day. The daughter not my minister (how creepy would that be?).

My minister, D, adopted his daughter from Ethopia 15 months ago.

We talked about the ceremony.

We decided on:

D: who gives this daughter to marry this man?

Dad: She comes of her own accord, with the blessings of her mother and me.

D nods and smiles. It is very you.

Thank you to Jo Goddard for the idea.

We talked on wedding rituals we hated: unity candles when they blow out the separate candles (what is that suppose to signify? Death to self? Yikes), The Velveteen Rabbit, etc

What we did not talk about was obvious. How very much joy his daughter gave him. Just seeing it made my heart swell with joy.

I always wanted to adopt much to the dismay of my mother who is the very reason I want to adopt a child in the first place.

“Why would you adopt when you can have your own children?” Mom would ask in confusion.

“Why should I have my own if there are so many children already out there who need love? If I have the capability of giving a child a home and love and family, I should.”

My mother was adopted and even though her adoption was not the most perfect in the world I think there can be so much good that comes from adoption.

Though as I watched D manage his chicken sandwich, cut up E-girl’s chicken sandwich, finagle some frozen peas into E-girl’s mouth (she loves frozen vegetables, it is the funniest thing), making sure she didn’t slip off her seat when he was turned around, I thought “mmm… maybe in a couple of years”.

What are your thoughts on adoption? Would you adopt?

 

Is she not the most beautiful girl you have ever seen? 

 

Picture from Facebook.

Asians Love Jade

It is true.

Someone asked me last weekend if my earrings were jade. I smiled, “No, Tar-jay, dahling!” but that got me thinking because we Asians love jade for our wedding. It is suppose to represent much love and prosperity to the newly weds. So I went on a love lucky token hunt.

Love this Crown Trifari jade. Very Hollywood glam.

The “jade” in this is just glass but still awesome. I wish it was not speckled though. Not a fan of the speckled. Give me a deep green jadite anytime.

The jade clasp here is fab-u-lous

I am sure you have noticed that I kind of trend toward over the top awesome sort of jewelry. To be quite honest, I hardly every wear jewelry. I am famous for it. Usually, the only jewelry you will see me wear is my engagement ring and a strand of pearls. On weekends I swap out the pearls for a simple necklace. I frequently prefer dangly earrings: they elongate the neck. This is my inner diva coming out when I look at jewelry I suppose. So if you are wondering if I would ever wear something like this, this answer is sadly “no”. Anyone feel the same way or do you lovelies rock out your jewelry?

 

As always, jewelry from Etsy

Shoestring Bride Score!

 

I spent last night doing my “I-am-the-awesomemest” dance also known as the “victory dance” to the uninitiated.

Above is the hotel that Priceline a.k.a. my new best friend assigned me for the low, low rate of $90 a night for my wedding weekend. Just to give you an idea of how awesome this score is, the Hotel Adolphus rooms start at $250 a night. I think I just committed highway robbery. And I like it!

I told Shoestring Boy about my amazing deal

Me: Babe, I got us the Hotel Adolphus for our wedding weekend! For like $90 a night! Oh yeah! *goes into Victory Dance*

Boy: Oh cool. Saturday?

Me: Friday, Saturday, Sunday

Boy: What? I cannot spend Friday night with you! You are going to be sleeping in that awesome hotel by yourself?

I rolled my eyes. Ladies, I did not decide that we were not going to spend Friday night separately. Who does he think we are going to fool if we spent Friday night separately? Whatever. He is antiquated traditional and it is kind of cute

Me: I am gonna call sissy *goes off and calls my sister* Dude, I got the Hotel Adolphus for like $90 the wedding day weekend

Sister: That is flipping awesome.

Me: You want to spend the night with me Friday before the wedding

Sister: Hell yeah!

Boy: *from the living room* THEN SHE HAS TO GET OUT OF THERE SATURDAY!!!

Wine Label Giveaway

The beautiful Ruthy (seriously, I hope my daughter looks like her one day) at Discovery Street is doing a giveaway, peeps.

Custom designed wine labels. I don’t drink or I totally would not be telling you this so I have a better chance at winning.

Click here. Follow instructions and good luck!

(Oh and if you win and you heard about this giveaway from me, I totally want a bottle of wine from you I know I just said I don’t drink but I am not going to drink it. Promise. I just want it to sit on my refridgerator and look pretty)

Bridesmaids And Their Dresses

So here is the low down, y’all, there are a couple of ways to do this:

(a) You tell them “I like blah-blah-blah, this is what you are wearing, it is going to cost blah-blah-blah”

(b) You tell them, “My colors are blah-blah-blah. Go forth and prosper” or something of the sort. This also has very many variations to it. This is benefit of being the bride. You said “toad” and people start hopping (or least that what brides think is going to happen, the reality of it is you say “hop” and people go “why?” “when?” “do I have to?” “I don’t like to hop that high, can I hop this high?” etc. Which is not neccessarily a problem. Brides need to understand that people are not toads and that will be the end of that)

So I picked (b).

For very many reasons:

(1) I am a firm believer that birds of a feather flock together. That is why all my bridesmaids are tragically good-looking, smart, successful women. The plus of this is that people look at them and go “she must be just like them” even if you happen to be ugly as sin, dumb, and a loser. It is called the halo effect (that is an actual-non-made-up-Jesselyn-term. Go look it up).

(2) I have been in my share of weddings (when I was not so bitchy and people liked me) and believe me, paying for a dress that you are never going to wear again (no matter how much you love the bride) still stings the pocket book.

(3) It was (and sometimes still is) inconcievable to me that one dress can be flattered on multiple types of figures.

(4) I have an issue asking people to pay for something they didn’t pick out. Even with makeup, if they were more comfortable doing their own, then go on then. If I wanted to make sure everyone had everything I wanted, I would pay for it.

(5) I really don’t care that much

This (b) option is a very popular now apparently in the bridal world. For good reason I might add (see 5 reasons above). So as a bride who has been through that (wait, I am not married yet) here are some tips for those of you who might consider that option:

If you are a really picky bride, I understand how this option might frighten you. Here are some ways to help with the panic-I-am-not-usually-a-bridezilla-but-I-am-nervous aspect of letting your nearest and dearest pick their dress on your big day:

Give them as much information as you can/ want. This means if you are a real stickler about the exact color, then give them a clip of fabric, or a pantone chip, tell them what length you want. I find that the more bridesmaids you have the more intentional the look of vastly different dresses look. So say if you have 12 bridesmaids (believe me, there are those out there), the varying lengths and shades look unstudied and cool not weird and thoughtless.

Ask them (nicely, mind!) if you could see the dress before they buy it. Generally, they will show you regardless anyway because that is what women who are excited do when they find a dress they love: “OMG! OMG! I found the most amazing dress!” But generally, it is good to cover your bases. Also, great is hosting a long shopping day together so you can see what they have gotten themselves into (pun well intended, thank you very much).

Have a timeline and check on them from time to time. Try not to nag. Truth of it is, there might be a couple of people probably procrastinating so give people a time limit about a month out than you are comfortable with. This way you are not freaking out on your ladies/men and looking like the proverbial bridezilla (you might be but this way we can keep it a secret. It is ok, we all have those moments).

Do not renege on your word. It is not nice to pretend you are not picky when you really are. That is called false advertising. Or bullshitting. If you are an uptight wad (nothing wrong with that, I am one most days) then do yourself and them a favor and pick out their dress. It will save you headaches and save them anguish. Don’t for Heaven’s sake tell them “I don’t care what you wear as long as it is navy and long”. And then “I don’t care what you wear as long as it is navy, long, and strapless”. And then, “I don’t care what you wear as long as it is navy, long, strapless and looks exactly like this one right here”. Make sure you know exactly your preference first time round and change it as little as possible during the show. Remember, a fight over a dress is so not worth a friendship

From my own personal experience, I have found that this process has proven best for someone like me. Who is a stickler about somethings (guest list) and not about others (bridesmaids dresses). I have noticed a few things about women that should have been obvious before but now more than ever: women really care about what they wear on your big day. Out of my four girls only one of them borrowed her dress to save on money. The rest paid well over $200 a piece for their dresses (and remember I didn’t pick them). You might say that you want them to wear their dress again but no one is really going to wear a long formal gown again. Even if they picked it. Even if the dress is so beautiful it makes them giggle like a 5-year old when they are really 27. Even if they will gladly spend $200 over dollars on it volunteerly. There will still be problems. It is like hitting up the mall to find a black dress and miraculously all the mall has is blue dresses. Of course, when you don’t need said black dress two months later then you see tons of them. Same rule applies here. This does not get rid of all bridesmaid stress about dresses but it does help alleviate them.

The best part of this whole darn thing is, you can tell them, “Sucks, but I didn’t pick your dress out”.

Anyone letting their girls have their own merry way with their gowns? Have any tips to share?

 

 

Pictures credited to Martha Stewart Weddings

Seagulls Get Divorced Too

 

The naturalist William Jordan wrote a small lovely book called Divorce Among the Gulls, in which he explained that even among seagulls – a species of bird that allegely mates for life – there exist a 25% “divorce rate.” Which is to say that one-quarter of all seagull couples fail in their first relationships – failing to the point that they must separate due to irreconcilable differences.

–Elizabeth Gilbert, Committed: A Skeptic Makes Peace With Marriage

I have just finished Elizabeth Gilbert’s latest book (wonderful by the way) and a recent conversation with my husband goes like this:

Me: Did you know that in a flying-V formation if one bird has to drop out because they are injured or whatever, two other birds go down with it to make sure it is okay

Him: Ah. I did not know that.

Me: Did you know that seagulls have a 25% divorce rate?

Him: What?

Me: No, I am serious! They have 25% divorce rate. Gulls usually mate for life, see, and sometimes they get together with another gull and they don’t get along and they have to get a “divorce” and people don’t know why.

Him: People don’t know why, huh? *bemused smile*

By this time, I am thinking he is not taking me seriously.

Him: I am honestly, shocked I have not seen it on commercials during late night TV yet. “Do you argue with your partner about who hunts for food? Do you fight about who cleans the nest? Call Allen Gull at 800 123 4567 to get your settlement.”

Now I know I am not being taken seriously.

Me: Baby, really, they do argue about those things! They have to leave the flock and stuff I bet. Think about it, honey, maybe we are genetically predisposed to divorce like seagulls

Him: No we are not!

Me: How do you know we are not? I mean, seagulls get divorce, babe, and they have brains the size of camera batteries.

Him: Yes, I betcha you don’t see them sitting around talking with their other seagull buddies, “So why did you leave her?” “Oh you know, she has issues with dominant men, her father left her mother when she was a chick you know”. If gulls could talk the conversation probably went like this “So why did you leave her?” “Dude, I don’t know. I just did.” Because they are gulls, honey!

Did I ever mention what deep conversations my husband and I have?

 

Picture from Pixar’s “Finding Nemo”

Kristen Bell Is Engaged

And here is the only detail that matters: the engagement ring

Three carats my friends.

I saw her on George Lopez last week (I am unashamely a fan of the Lopez show and have even started saying “gaucho” even though I have no idea what it means) and she is so annoyingly gorgeous and intelligent. I hate her. She joins the list with Martha Stewart.

 

Picture is credited to People