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A Love Letter

August 5, 2009

Dearest Honeybee,

I have been thinking about how in a week (or less) we would be husband and wife. And though I have known for a while where our journey was leading the thought that we would be finally man and wife still takes my breath away.

When I was a just a girl (or at least a younger girl than I am now), I told myself that the man who saw me at worst and still loved me was the one I was going to end up with. Soon after we started dating, I ended up in the hospital because of a cyst. I couldn’t walk, sit, hardly stand and all I seemed to be able to do was cry. What we called ugly tears because it seemed like my inside turned outside and all my ugly anguish just crawled out with the tears. Remember when they couldn’t find a vein to stick the needle in and poked at me for half an hour, what seemed to me like half my lifetime and you held my hand as I screamed because everything just hurt. When my face was puffy with tears, my hair greasy with sweat and oil from no shower for days, you stayed and loved me through it.

I tried to deny it and persisted to try and run away from the fierce emotions I was feeling. I was scared and am still scared. Of all you do to my heart and what you could do to me. I forget sometimes that I hold your heart and all I can do to you. You still held on to me and refused to let me run from you, from me, from us. I never understood why you did it but I am glad you did.

Thank you for being patient with me through my commitment problems, for seeing me for who I am and not the armour I wear outside. For those times when my rage overtakes my senses and when you hold me and let me know it is okay. I hate that I can never stay mad at you for long. That when I do, my heart aches carrying the anger to fuel my rage. Thank you most of all for you. My beautiful, kind, wonderful Boy would is slowing turning into the Man of my dreams. I love watching us grow together and I can’t wait to grow old with you.

Love, Your Baby Bee

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