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The Rules of The Dress

September 9, 2009


I am a nervous rack when it comes to finding my dress no thanks to America and all it’s crazy (and very effective) commercializing of weddings. Apparently, I am suppose to melt down in a puddle of tears, just know when it’s The One, or have an epiphany on my inner Bride and if it does not happen… well, then you just have not found it and you are a failure at life.

Well, just so you know, I have never melted into a puddle of tears over something joyful because my emotional range just does not reach that far (though my Darling would tell you that my emotional state hits the mad/irrational tears range easily). I don’t not know when anything is the one except when it happens to be shiny and hideously expensive. And the only epiphanies I have usually fall under Random like, “Oh, so when they have ‘vet’ on their licence plate they really mean veteran not vetenarian” (What? Car dealers have dealer plates why can’t animal doctors?)

So, as an ode to every non-Bride out there who doesn’t cry at dress fittings, who doesn’t know when the one is the one, and is wondering if she does have an inner Bride, let’s redefine the rules of finding The Dress:

Don’t bring your entourage:

I know it can be really reassuring to have your mom, sister, future mother-in-law, bridesmaid one, two three and four when you want to find The Dress and you are not sure you trust yourself to pick it out but trust me, they don’t know either. This scenario leads to a couple different possible situations. The first being you try on a dress, and everyone goes “ohh” and “ahh” and “honey, you never looked prettier” (really, how is one suppose to take that?). You are not certain about it. I mean you really wanted something like a sheath but everyone seems to love this cupcake convection. They must be right. So you buy it and regret it ever after. Situation two: you try on several dress. You really do like a couple. But Mom really likes dress number two (and it is really well priced) but Aunt Belinda really thinks dress four is the most flattering (and that mermaid shape was rather pretty) but you really liked that lace one, what number was that again? And you leave with nothing because nobody can agree on anything. I could go into a couple more situations but you are smart readers. You get the picture.

It is okay to second guess your choice:

I mean about the dress. Not about the man. If it is the latter, honey, finding a dress is the least of your problems. Honestly, there are a lot of bridal dresses out there. A lot. Expecting there is A Dress out there that is magically predestined for you by the shopping gods is just a little silly. And besides, if you are wanting to find The One out of the millions of dresses out there, your chances are not looking so good, sugar. So you fall in love with a lacey vintagey Grace Kelly confection. And you also have your heart set on this gorgeous Old Hollywood slinky hotness. Repeat after me: It. Is. Completely. Normal. Which is why there are so many two dress brides out there. Figure out your look. Figure out the style of the event. And then decide. Think of it more mathematically not chemistry. It is an inanimate object. There is no chemistry involved. Only with you, that is.

Just because you do not get hysterical does not mean it is not The One:

Tears are not needed when you find the dress. Just because you saw it on TV on “Say Yes To The Dress” does not mean it is neccessary to cry, it just makes for good TV. Though if you did start crying, then congratulations, finding The Dress just got easier because you just found it. for the rest of the population that does not shed tears of joy because either you are like me (cold hearted bitch) or because you save your tears for the more important moments (like when Little Foot’s mother died in “The Land Before Time”), really, you are normal.

I think the question of finding the right dress largely rests on one question: how do you feel in it. If it makes you feel beautiful, then it’s chances are pretty high up there. Forget expectations. Try everything even if you think you’ll hate it. You are probably putting down the largest amount of money you will ever spend on a single garment. So yes, you are going to be indecisive. You are going to second guess yourself. You are going to obsess. If you are a fashion fanatic, it is amplified. Ask opinions but take everything with a grain of salt. If you are certain, don’t let anyone talk you out of it (especially your mother). And if you have questions, send them to me. 😉

2 Comments leave one →
  1. September 10, 2009 4:41 am

    Briliant post lady! I’d say your best yet. I can honestly say I would never cry upon seeing a dress I love. I work in fashion. Clothes create a cold hearted business response in me, not mushy emotion. And besides, I’m a Londoner – we don’t cry.

    It is strange that we posted about the shame topic on the shame day. We are merging into one! I only wish I had read your post before I wrote mine as you made so many excellent points and put it into perspective perfectly. You made some excellent points in your comment under my blog too and for this I thank you a thousand times! m.v.b.

  2. September 10, 2009 4:43 am

    I meant to write “same topic – same day” but you probably knew that. Sorry, I will stop polluting your blog now… m.v.b.

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