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Readings That Don’t Make Me Want To Throw Up

September 12, 2009

That is the thing with wedding readings. They either are overused (1 Corinthian 13, anyone?) or so sappy they make your teeth ache, or written by someone in the 18th century with English we don’t understand. I asked one of my best girls from college to do a reading at my ceremony. I cannot have as many bridesmaids as I would like (that is the problem with a small wedding, if I could have everyone I wanted the wedding party would be half the people attending!) so I am trying to have my girlfriends chip in as much as possible in anyway they can in order to feel a part of my special day.

What I did not realize was how incredibly hard it would be to pick a reading. So here are some that don’t make me (immediately) want to hurl (I can’t even speak for the Boy. His tolerance for such things is even less than my own!)

The Promise By Eileen Rafter

The sun danced on the snow with a sparkling smile,
As two lovers sat quietly, alone for a while.
Then he turned and said, with a casual air
(Though he blushed from his chin to the tips of his hair),
“I think I might like to get married to you”

“Well then, she said, “Well there’s a thought,
But what if we can’t promise to be all that we ought,
If I’m late yet again, when we plan to go out.
For I know I can’t promise, I’ll learn to ignore
Dirty socks and damp towels strewn all over the floor.

So if we can’t vow to be all that we should
I’m not sure what to do, though the idea’s quite good”.
But he gently smiled and tilted his head
Till his lips met her ear and softly he said

“I promise, to weave my dreams into your own,
That wherever you breathe will be my hearts home.
I promise, that whether with rags or with gold I am blessed
Your smile is the jewel I will treasure the best.

Do you think then, my love, we should marry – do you?”
“Yes” she said smiling “I do”.

Carrie Bradshaw’s Poem in Sex and the City Season 2

His Hello was the end of her endings
Her laugh was their first step down the aisle
His hand would be hers to hold forever
His forever was as simple as her smile
He said she was what was missing
She said instantly she knew
She was a question to be answered
And his answer was, “I do”

Excerpt from “When Harry Met Sally” (Funny thing is, I have had this up on my Facebook list of favorite quotes for a long time)

I love that you get cold when it’s 71 degrees out.
 I love that it takes you an hour and a half to order a sandwich.
 I love that you get a little crinkle in your nose 
when you’re looking at me like I’m nuts. I love that after I spend day with you,
 I can still smell your perfume on my clothes.
 And I love that you are the last person
 I want to talk to before I go to sleep at night.
 And it’s not because I’m lonely,
 and it’s not because it’s New Year’s Eve.
I came here tonight because when you realize
 you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody,
 you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.

A Lovely Love Story By Edward Monkton

The fierce Dinosaur was trapped inside his cage of ice. Although it was cold he was happy in there. It was, after all, his cage.
Then along came the Lovely Other Dinosaur.
 The Lovely Other Dinosaur melted the Dinosaur’s cage with kind words and loving thoughts.
I like this Dinosaur thought the Lovely Other Dinosaur.
 Although he is fierce he is also tender and he is funny.
 He is also quite clever though I will not tell him this for now.
I like this Lovely Other Dinosaur, thought the Dinosaur. She is beautiful and she is different and she smells so nice.
 She is also a free spirit which is a quality I much admire in a dinosaur.
But he can be so distant and so peculiar at times, thought the Lovely Other Dinosaur. 
He is also overly fond of things.
 Are all Dinosaurs so overly fond of things?
But her mind skips from here to there so quickly thought the Dinosaur. She is also uncommonly keen on shopping.
 Are all Lovely Other Dinosaurs so uncommonly keen on shopping?
I will forgive his peculiarity and his concern for things, thought the Lovely Other Dinosaur. For they are part of what makes him a richly charactered individual.
I will forgive her skipping mind and her fondness for shopping, thought the Dinosaur. For she fills our life with beautiful thoughts and wonderful surprises. Besides, I am not unkeen on shopping either.
Now the Dinosaur and the Lovely Other Dinosaur are old.
 Look at them.
 Together they stand on the hill telling each other stories and feeling the warmth of the sun on their backs.
And that, my friends, is how it is with love. 
Let us all be Dinosaurs and Lovely Other Dinosaurs together.
 For the sun is warm.
 And the world is a beautiful place.

Yes, I Will Marry You by Pam Ayres

Yes, I’ll marry you, my dear,

And here’s the reason why;

So I can push you out of bed

When the baby starts to cry,

And if we hear a knocking

And it’s creepy and it’s late,

I hand you the torch you see,

And you investigate.
Yes I’ll marry you, my dear,

You may not apprehend it,

But when the tumble-drier goes

It’s you that has to mend it,

You have to face the neighbour

Should our labrador attack him,

And if a drunkard fondles me

It’s you that has to whack him.
Yes, I’ll marry you,

You’re virile and you’re lean,

My house is like a pigsty

You can help to keep it clean.

That sexy little dinner

Which you served by candlelight,

As I do chipolatas,

You can cook it every night!
It’s you who has to work the drill
and put up curtain track,
And when I’ve got PMT it’s you who gets the flak,

I do see great advantages,

But none of them for you,

And so before you see the light,

I do, I do, I do!

Editor’s Note: This is totally me!

Bob Marley:

You may not be her first, her last, or her only. She loved before she may love again. But if she loves you now, what else matters? She’s not perfect – you aren’t either, and the two of you may never be perfect together but if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold onto her and give her the most you can. She may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break – her heart. So don’t hurt her, don’t change her, don’t analyze and don’t expect more than she can give. Smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, and miss her when she’s not there.”

Do your teeth hurt yet?

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