Lessons Learned From This Weekend’s Wedding

 

 

 

Of course, the requisite turtles on a log photo of the wedding party. Guess which one am I? Clue: the one in a poodle do'

 

 

Sleep Lots:

No really. I had been to bed late and up early for 3 straight days. I came home on Sunday night my head hits the pillow and I threw up from exhaustion. Literally. We had meatballs and alfredo pasta for dinner. It was not pretty. The Boy was not happy either.

Have some alcohol at your wedding:

Or there will be no one on your dance floor. Apparently, no alcohol = no dancing. The bridesmaids, bride and one or two friends were the only ones on the dance floor.

Do not button the bottom of your corset/girdle if you are pregnant and need to pee all the time:

I thought this was self explainatory. We were in the bathroom. She couldn’t get it herself and I looked at her and went “honey, I love you. But there is just no way”. She was about to pee her pants (literally) when I said “I know, let me get your new husband!” So there we were, I am holding 10 pounds of tulle and silk (curses be Texas brides and their big dresses), she is holding apart her legs and squatting, and he is on his hands and knees trying to get it to unhook. Did I also say alcohol is needed at weddings?

If your family requires certain things in order for their attendance: Don’t invite them:

The grooms family said “no alcohol”, “no female pastors”, “we are not paying for the rehearsal dinner. Oh, you are paying for it? Ok, we’ll come then”. Seriously. Just because they share your blood does not make them family. That just means you are related. I am not a fan of inviting people for the sake of inviting them. After the groom’s family consumed the food and the cake. All his relatives simultaneously stood up and left. If it were me (and I know I am bitchier than most) the wedding would be the last they heard from me.

Overall, not entirely a gong show (I have been in worst) but definately stressful. I am a little anxious about how my wedding is going to run now. I am not exactly the most easy-going (I know, so hard to believe, right?) person in the world but I don’t want to freak out at my wedding. I want to actually enjoy the day. I think I might let my sister handle the drama. She has a better “you-listen-to-me-now-or-you-will-die” face than I do. Though the men in my family are oddly immune to our faces.

Ah yes, my darling, making a fool out of himself as usual...