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Once and Always: The Man’s Perspective?

January 23, 2010

Good morning ladies (I don’t think there are any other gents around here but me…)!  I hope you are all well and good.  I am Shoestring Boy, the 1 month pending groom of Shoestring Bride that I am sure you’ve all heard sooo much about.  I will henceforth be making guest appearences (mainly for the male perspective, also known as “The Truth” in most cases) to the the Bride on a Shoestring Blog. 

Just last night, Shoestring Bride and I were messing around (not that way): I tickled her, she smacked me on the cheek (rather harder than I would have expected) and I went to playfully tap her on the cheek.  She turned her head at the last minute and I ended up slamming my palm into her mouth, cutting her lip on her teeth and I ended up stuck with a teary Jesselyn with a bloody and swollen lip.

I immediately bundled her up in my arms and wiped her tears away, saying “you know I didn’t mean to do it sweetie”, “I am not one of those guys”, “you know I would never do something like that”, on and on and on.  I immediately threw the Guiness sandals on, threw her into the car and proceeded to The Cheesecake Factory and got her the 30th Anniversary Cheesecake (her favorite) and Caramel Apple Cider (the only alcohol she’s readily willing to drink).  On the drive home, she kept asking me about the constant reassurance that I was not “that guy.”

Which led, of course, into the discussion of that type of guy.  Do men who hit you once always hit?  Do men who cheat on you always cheat? 

I believe that there are three types of men:

The first type of guy is the “Consistent Hitter” that always heard his mom explaining away bruises.  He’s batting .650 at all times.  He was brought up in a household where dad always hit mom.  Maybe he just had a lot of pent up rage from his childhood (especially from the opposite sex) and his wife / girlfriend hits that same nerve, producing the same outlash of anger that he experienced as a child between his mom and dad.  In short, Man Type #1 has issues.

The second type of guy is the “One Hit Wonder”.  This type of guy ordinarily would never hit a woman, but if pushed to a certain threshold will outlash unexpectedly.  While he is mid-swing, he realizes what he is doing is wrong and will immediately apologize and resolve to never be that angry again.  From this point onward, he will control himself and if he ever feels the need to hit his woman he will step away and take his anger out on a wall / door / punching bag / man he does not like (the wife/girlfriend’s best male friend maybe?)

The third and last type of guy is the “Mama’s Boy”.  This is the type of guy who would never lay a hand on his woman for the fear of the wrath of his own mother, who might have very well been the wife of Man Type #1.

That, I find, is a very logical and truthful view of the situation.  I personally find myself to be of Man Type #2 because my father had his share of anger issues.  I’ve never laid a hand on Shoestring Bride, but I used to share those same issues until about 3 years ago when, thankfully, I met Jesselyn.  We had a very dumb argument about something I cannot remember, but I made a resolution that day to NOT become my father.  Since then my fist has met a few walls, but they are all still intact (the walls I mean :P), as is my love and devotion to the woman I love.

I now pose this question to all you ladies, as I suspect men are pretty much absent from this forum.  Once a hitter, always a hitter?  Or is the gender of Man within the realms of salvation?

– Shoestring Boy… My friends call me Cory.

 

Picture credited to Motivated Photos

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4 Comments leave one →
  1. January 23, 2010 10:16 am

    Man can enter salvation if he wants, but Mischa Barton never will.
    *shudder*
    Should you really admit to hitting your wife on national blogovision?
    We got your back jesselyn!

  2. January 23, 2010 10:39 am

    I think men, like women, are capable of change, but I personally don’t think I could stay with a man if he ever hit me.
    Even if he fit the criteria for your “second type of guy” and showed a great deal of remorse, I don’t think I could ever trust him the same way again. And although he could reassure me until he’s blue in the face that he won’t ever hit me again, or go for months without showing any type of similar rage toward me, I don’t think the relationship would have any long term future.

  3. Jesselyn permalink*
    January 23, 2010 12:48 pm

    lol. He has never has never hit me. No worries, ladies. Unless you count last night. Which I got chocolate cake out of! His father had some anger issues and Shoestring Boy admits to having similar but he would never hit me.

    I don’t know how I feel about this one. I have known women whose husband abused them and found Jesus (or a good therapist) and completely reformed. I just don’t know like miss fancy pants if I would trust him again. Ya know?

  4. January 23, 2010 5:49 pm

    Great Perspective. I think it’s all about wanting control in one way or another. If he is controlling and a hitter then he will always be a hitter.

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