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Once and Always: The Woman’s Perspective?

January 24, 2010

Okay, my turn. As it should be. It is my flipping blog after all.

You got his side of the story. Except for a couple of little details. Minor, really, but it must be said:

I so did not hit him that hard. He is just being a pussy. Uh-huh, that’s right baby, I said it.

Shoestring Boy has never hit me.Wait. He has dislocated my little finger before. We were wrestling/ messing around and somehow he ended up with a crying Jesselyn with a dislocated finger. You would think we would learn but nope. Why the heck am I the only one always getting beat up is what I want to know…

I don’t really have a theory about men (or women for that matter. A small group but they do exist!) who hit or cheat to be honest. It really seems too complicated to go “oh, if he cheats he will always cheat” and vice versa. I had a Sunday School teacher when I was in college (was it really that long ago?). Her husband of 35 years had been abusive when they were first married. They worked it out, Jesus did miracles, they paid lots of money to a therapist and viola, he is practically a new man. Now I know, because I am not stupid (well, I am on most things but not on this), that she is a very lucky woman. Lucky because change, is hard (why do you think people never make New Year’s Resolutions anymore?) no matter how easy the change seems to be.

So maybe we should think about why. Why do people cheat? Why do people hit? Woo-yah. So way over the head of my little wedding blog here. Oh my word. Where do we start? Someone mentioned in the last post: control? Power? Insecurity? Again, like the human condition, so hard to pin down just a single reason. Too simple when humanity is so complex. Who can say why? Then the question becomes “can it be fixed?” Fixed because something is obviously very, very wrong when someone hits or cheats on someone they love. I guess, the answer to that question depends on how you feel about the human condition.

When a girlfriend tells me that her man cheated on her, my first response is “honey, get your behind out of there” not “I think you need to work on your relationship”. I cannot even begin to think of saying that. I don’t think I could say it with a straight face.

I want to believe that people can change. At the very least, I believe that people can learn to control themselves.

I want to believe that people are inherently good and kind.

Most of all, I want to believe that love creates an environment for miracles.

I don’t think I do though. I need to work on that.




If you are in an abusive relationship, please, please, get some help. Please, let someone know (not just Jesus). Please remember that just because people can change does not mean they do. If they do, they (and you) at least need the help to do it. Please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE.

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