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The One

January 29, 2010
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When I was in New York this summer (I heart New York. I make a pilgramage every year), I miraculously manage to meet up with a friend from junior high back from when I was in Malaysia. Y was in New York that summer finishing up an internship with the UN before heading back to Cambridge to finish up her pHd in Law (did I mention she also did her undergrad at Cambridge and her Masters at Harvard? Talk about feeling like an underacheiver).

Y and I had drinks together, ran around town shopping, and on the very last night before she left, we walked the streets of New York on the hunt for late night bobba tea. I love New York around the dead of night (I love New York all the time but still). The city never really gets calm, no, but it almost seems to get quieter. The hustle bustle of the daytime mutes to a dull white noise buzz that I find quite soothing. We ended up in a little restaurant in Koreatown and amiss the asian girls and boys returning high from the buzz of karaoke and alcohol, we sipped bobba tea and chatted.

I mentioned how much we’ve changed (her, hardly any) and the differences now from then. I confessed I was always a little touched and humbled that she and her group of friends back in the day thought of me as one of them. All of them, incredibly smart and brilliant and for them to include me for a 15 year old who wasn’t very well liked at all was humbling. “Jesselyn, you were always far from ordinary” and basked a little in the warmth of her approval. Amazing how not much has changed even at 24. We laughed about little spats that seemed like the world when we were 12, the yellow roses a bunch of friends and I chipped in to buy her for her 16th birthday and my upcoming nuptials.

“Jesselyn, how did you know he was the one? And don’t give me that ‘I just knew’ crap that everyone gives me that is vague and unhelpful all at the same time”

I laughed because I could relate. How many times had I asked that very same questions myself looking for a tangible way to tell that this person, beyond any other person was the one I was suppose to spend the rest of my life with. I don’t remember what I told her. Amazing that I can remember the feel of New York on my skin and in my hair but I cannot remember what I told Y about Shoestring Boy. I am convinced though I said the droll that I was suppose to say as a soon to be married woman. One hates to disappoint after all.

Now thinking back on that moment 6 months later (6 months, Jesselyn, you must really be running out of things to write about! Hardly. 😉 ) I am going to have to recant what I said and instead say I don’t know that I believe in the concept of “The One”. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think I am making a mistake marrying my Shoestring Lad (this is why couples dish out droll), but I don’t think there is just one for all of us. If there is, that would be pretty sad and frightening because that would mean that there is only one chance at this true, great love business and I don’t believe that. Oh, I am sure it would be hard to find another that I adore as much as I do my Darling but I don’t think hope of finding happiness with another person ends with him.

People like the idea of “the one” I think because, well, it is romantic isn’t it to think there is someone out there destined and made for you? Chinese and Japanese folk tales tell when you are born, the gods wrap a red string around your foot and the other end around the foot of the person you would marry. Now, I am strong believer in fate but I like to believe that Shoestring Boy and I while very compatible are not “made for each other”. We chose each other which to me, makes it more romantic than the idea of destiny. Since we made that choice to spend forever with this person, the decision to make our marriage last also lies (as it should) within our hands. It is easy to believe when things get tough that maybe you made a mistake. The real “one” is out there. He was never meant for you. Time to cut the cords and move on and find that person that was really meant to be for you and I find the people who use to claim their significant other was “the one” very easily also think they were mistaken later on.

So maybe I should say Shoestring Boy is my one because I made him “the one”. I knew he was “the one” because of his compassion (he always gives coins out to people on the street much to my irriation), because of his resilience under pressure, because of how much he adores me, because he calls me every night the moment he gets off from work, because he believes in me and is my constant and consistent supporter.

Do you believe that your boy was meant for you or you made a choice for him to be your one? And how did you know he was the one? More importantly, what are you doing this weekend?

 

 

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5 Comments leave one →
  1. January 29, 2010 10:21 am

    I’m still laughing at how you ended this blog! you are so dang funny!

    I agree with you…I don’t believe in “the one,” but I truly couldn’t imagine life with anyone else. We both came from long term, not so great relationships and we just appreicate each other even more having gone through crappy relationships. I feel like this is truly how God designed a relationship to be…I feel blessed over and over again…and truly like the luckiest girl in the world.

    But on to more important things, I’m getting my bachelorette and rehearsal dinner dress this weekend! Whoot!

  2. January 29, 2010 5:18 pm

    You are a lovely writer.

    I agree. I don’t believe in the one. You put it wonderfully– we make the one.

  3. January 29, 2010 10:38 pm

    oh geez i was trying to type something both practical and romantic trying to spell out my feelings on this but it didn’t work. so i’m not trying again.

    my guy makes my heart feel huge

  4. Jesselyn permalink*
    January 30, 2010 3:23 am

    @ ruthyg – I love that I can make you laugh. I am so excited about your shopping this weekend. Show us your finds!

    @cupcake – thank you. That means a lot.

    @ Jasper – don’t you just hate it when that happens?

  5. The Girl in NYC permalink
    January 31, 2010 5:10 am

    Hun, first of all, you did not “dish out droll” when answering the question in NYC, but tried (very hard!) to come up with concrete reasons – which I appreciated. I remember your answer being sensible, and well thought out. I think you and Shoestring Boy have a solid foundation to work on.

    Second, the concept of there not only being one “One”: I think that’s exactly right. I think there are, however, people who are more compatible with you than others, and out of those people, perhaps one or two that are really absolutely a great fit. It would be wonderful if you met, and chose, those ones, but I don’t think your chance at life happiness is completely ruined forever in the event that you didn’t or that you did, but it didn’t work out.

    At least, that’s what I want to tell myself.

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