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Sick But I Am Still Judgy!

February 5, 2010
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I wish I look this hot when I am sick.

So here I am on my death bed feel sorry for myself. Alright, I really only have like a sore throat, swollen glands, and a mouth full of sores. It sounds like I have cancer but I promise you I don’t. I think. Not that I know of anyhow. I have bigger things to worry about. Like paying the outstanding amount due on my wedding contract. Urgh, I know, right, nothing like a bill to make you feel perky.

Here I am doing what I always do while I am sick and feeling sorry for myself: stalk others on Facebook. Oh, shut it, you know you do it too. At work while the boss is away no less, 😉 but it is okay, I am not judging. One of my acquiantances has recently gotten married. Oh joy, wedding pictures to look through. I am excited. Her engagement pictures were lovely, I was excited to see what her photographer did with her wedding. Gorgeous: bouquets of hydrengeas and roses, fondant cake (yuck – I know they say they do amazing things with fondant now but I persist on being judgy), beautiful dress, … and a gun on the groom’s cake. I started to snort a “are-you-freaking-kidding-me” snort and caught myself.

Seriously, I am doing it again! Judging someone’s celebration of their commitment to love and cherish each other. What the heck is wrong with me? I would love to blame it on the medications I am taking. Or the fact that I am tragically ill with gosh knows what (probably nothing but I still feel like crap). Truth be told, I do this when I am well too. So sickness and health probably not the reason why. I guess when you are like me and looking at wedding photos day in and day out like it is my freaking job, anything less than the most perfect wedding screams “put me through the wringer!” and “what was she thinking?” More like what am I thinking?

Of everything in the wedding industry that I despise (and there are quite a bit I assure you), I think it is this mentality that I hate the most. That we think it is okay to judge someone’s wedding like we judge so many other things. Sometimes we think it is our God given right. “They spent blah-blah-blah only to come up with this?” you think as you walk through the reception hall. Um, yes, actually, we spent this much money, so you have a good time, we spend plenty of tears, money, phone minutes, effort, time for you to have a good time and enjoy the two people it is celebrating and all you can think about it “wow, look at those centerpieces. So would not have done pears”. 

Makes me wonder what about weddings that makes us judgemental. Even if we are not typically judgement, all of a sudden all you can think about is “I wonder if she is wearing silk taffeta?” Unlike funerals where you don’t go “wow, she is burying him in that? She couldn’t even spring for Ralph Lauren on his death bed?” So I yahoo-searched “why do people judge weddings?” and came up with na-da. A lot on homosexuality and marriage which is a subject for another day and another time. So fine, I get on ole’ Fateful: google. Nothing. There is something about judging other’s wedding registry on The Nest. That board is scary and I don’t have time to peruse through the many many responses. This gives me an idea though, I post the thought up on a wedding board I use to frequent and wait for the responses to roll through. Within 5 minutes I had 8 responses. Apparently, I had struck a nerve (or two, or three).

 Problem is, judging is one of those things that we just do. I confess, I judge on an almost minute to minute basis. Did you see what she wore? Did you see her face? What was she thinking? I am a judger. So, from a judger’s perspective, we judge because we think (whether or not it is really true) that we can do better. I justify that I can, in fact, I am allowed to judge what people wear because they have absolute control over what they wear where they have no control over their skin color, their family, or their physical appearance. In fact, I really just judge because I think I can do better or I am doing better. Just like weddings, I suppose. I know some of it is watching for what not to do: do not let guest sit and wait for you to finish your photographs for an hour and a half, etc. For the most part though, it is because you think you can do better. I would not have worn that dress. I would not have done that. A lot of it too is something stemming from distance. The more you know the person or the closer you are, the less likely you are to judge them. Something like being in their shoes (not literally of course) or something like that. If you are really close to the person, you are less likely to go “I hate your shoes” (unless, you are me) and more “that is so you”. In a wedding it runs pretty similar I think. When you know how much they worked for their wedding and all the stress they put into making things perfect the less likely you are going to go, “they gave us what for favors?” because you are more focused on them. The big picture and less about me, or you, or stupid things that don’t matter.

You know you hate most what you see in others what you find in yourself?

I hate that I judge. Especially now that I am “on the other side” I know what matters: not the favors, not the food, not the centerpieces. The people and the love. Isn’t that what life is all about after all?

 

 

P/s – But seriously? A gun on your wedding cake. Okay. I am just kidding. Kinda.

Naomi Campbell from Fashionista

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5 Comments leave one →
  1. February 6, 2010 7:36 am

    I know I have different tastes from the cookie cutter (gosh I judged right there!) wedding look. Yet it is not my wedding. Certain things make me squirm and I may have mentioned certain dislikes in the past and perhaps I should have not judged. Why should I love every aspect of another’s wedding?

  2. February 6, 2010 11:47 am

    lord, the hours I have wasted on facebook…..

  3. February 6, 2010 5:01 pm

    Of course we judge stranger. It is in our nature. I just saw a bride today who had her bms in the ugliest prom looking purple dresses. But I also ahhhed and oooohed when her groom helped her carry her bustle down the street.

    I’ve made comments about friends choices as well.

    I think so long, as a guest, you express gratitude and don’t dwell on what you would have done differently, its understandably. I am only human, after all, albeit a mean gossipy one 😉

  4. February 6, 2010 5:02 pm

    Oh shit. I can’t type today. Pardon the errors.

  5. February 9, 2010 7:27 pm

    Oh shit shit shit. I was using my friends computer and left that comment under cape cod bride’s name by accident. Can you delete it sweetie? Thanks!

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