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People Are Not Going To Listen To You

February 25, 2010
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I can tell you right now that physically, I am not very intimidating. Actually, the word I hear most often is cute. Like “aw.. you are so cute”. I am five foot two (ok, just past five one but I rounded up but it is our little secret, you hear?). However, I have a mega-Type-A-listen-to-me-now-or-you-will-be-screwed personality. I like to think of myself as a not so bitchy Anna Wintour. My sister says I am most like Edna Mod of The Incredibles and thinks I am going to grow up to be ala Karen Walker from Will and Grace. It wouldn’t be so tragic if it was not true.

People listen to me. Really. Mainly because they are afraid to see what might happen if they don’t. So it was quite a shocker when people did not listen to me in regards to my wedding. I like to think I am not asking for much here. I am not going to go all the way and say I am not a bridezilla. I told my bridesmaids to wear whatever long navy blue dress they wanted. I didn’t get a say on what the groom and groomsmen wore. We did not have a rehearsal (we had a 15 minute run-thru). Whatever.

Generally, though, when I say “We only have 30 minutes at the venue to run thru the ceremony, please be there at 5 sharp”, I really do mean five o’clock sharp. Really. When I ask you, to please not drink, dear girlfriend-of-my-brother-in-law-I-have-not-met-but-darling-brother-in-law-refuses-to-attend-unless-you-came because you are underage. I really, do expect to not see you with a beer bottle in your hand. I am not a hard arse. Really. But Dallas cops downtown tend to be arses and want to pull you over for no reason at all and when they hear my husband and I gave you alcohol at our wedding, hubby and I could really get in trouble.

Thank you, Jesus, for wedding planners.

I asked Lara, my right hand woman and wedding planner extraordinaire what gives. I mean, people usually want to listen to me. When I say “jump” most people respond “how high?” not “no, I rather do it later” (except if your name is Cory and you are married to me. Then apparently “I’ll do it later” is your middle name). She replied “because honey, they are family”. It’s funny. She is right and it sucks.

So we have a couple of things we can do:

If you want people to show up at five o’clock, tell them to be there at four. This very quickily loses it’s effectiveness. So use it once, and use it well. If your family is exceptionally dense, you might try this two or three more times.

Get a wedding planner. Seriously. Saved. My. Life. If you cannot afford a wedding planner, get a day-of coordinator. Also known as DOC. If you cannot afford a DOC, place one of your girlies in charge. Preferably one who is rather bitchy but loves you.

Elope.

Let it roll off your back and relax. Repeat your new mantra after me: “I am getting married so I don’t care, I am getting married so I don’t care”. Hm… that is kind of a mouthful. Maybe “love is patient, love is kind”? No? Well, you’ll figure something out.

Now you know it is coming. I warned you because I love you and because people are crazy. Wait, scratch that, your family is crazy. Trust me, I know, I got lots of crazies in mine too.

 

Picture is Edna Mode from Pixar’s The Incredibles A.K.A my doppelganger

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6 Comments leave one →
  1. February 25, 2010 6:44 pm

    Haha “(except if your name is Cory and you are married to me. Then apparently “I’ll do it later” is your middle name” … love that, story of my life.

    Unfortunately, we really dont have the budget for a planner or even a DOC ($600 for one day, c’mon). But I do have a bridesmaid who can be very firm (aka bitchy) when she/I need her to be. Stupid people.

  2. February 25, 2010 6:56 pm

    hah…this info is just a few days late…just like info about UTI’s! Seriously…we’re not it mexico…5:00 should mean 5:00!

  3. February 26, 2010 8:56 am

    I read this and sorta cringed. See…I am the kinda girl people (read “my family”) don’t exactly listen to. And I typically don’t care…my family is loud and boisterous and sorta nuts. I’m not loud…more soft spoken…so you can see my “place” at family events.

    I already know they aren’t going to do what I say! Ha! They will continue to march to their own drummers…and I’ll just smile. (and probably cuss them out in my head)

  4. February 26, 2010 9:00 am

    Oh, man. This is super-helpful. Like you, I’m small–but unlike you, I am a wee little field mouse. Not only do people not listen to me (ahem, MOM), they think it’s hilarious to push my buttons because I am so damn ineffectual. I’m going to have to unleash my inner Blair Waldorf and make things happen!

  5. Jesselyn permalink*
    February 26, 2010 9:01 am

    @ miss fancy pants – seriously? My planner was $1000 for the whole shindig. I am thinking I got a steal then!
    @ ruthyg – lol. Sorry!
    @ Jess – *sigh* I am the oldest child and the oldest grandchild. So I am use to being “listened” to. Even though really people just tune me out I suspect!

  6. February 28, 2010 10:26 pm

    So wish I had a day of co ordinator. Would have saved us a lot of stress and heartache.

    Great words of wisdom

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