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Wedding Guilt

March 1, 2010
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In case you were wondering if the wedding guilt ever goes away, I would like to assure you, it really doesn’t.

I know. Sucks, doesn’t it?

I am not a coupon cutter. I own an inordinate amount of designer items. I love making my house the envy of my friends (when I clean it enough for them to appreciate my French bergere chair). I also loved getting married. I adore my designer dress that I bought for half price on the Internet. All the stress, planning, nightmares and money culminated into one beautiful night. It is true. I made some beautiful memories. However, when I look into my bank account I still wince. Now moments of panic about what could go wrong about my wedding has turned into heart palpitations at the balance of my bank account.

Was it all worth it? That becomes the concience soother. Well, yes and no. Which, I know, is not very helpful. Beautiful memories are priceless. A picture is worth a thousand words. I don’t think any one night could ever be worth $10,000 no matter how spectecular it was. My wedding memories being priceless does not distract from the fact that my family and I just dropped what is equivalent to a yearly salary in most countries. It’s guilt. My mother asked me at the height of wedding planning “Don’t poor people getting married in this country? Are their weddings as happy?” Well, of course, (I think!) so where along the way did we fool ourselves into think unless we had a photobooth, the wedding became less?

Brides all do what they can to cut the cost on their wedding. I am not the only Shoestring Bride out there. Everyone knows the basics. You serve beer and wine instead of a full bar. You cut the guest list way down. You buy your dress secondhand and enchew the bridal boutique experience. Ultimately though, in the back of your mind, in the back of my mind, is the fact that ridiculously amazing fascinator that I bought for $50 (that I didn’t even get to wear! Oy!) could save a couple of lives in Haiti. Forget something noble, $50 could be an amazing dinner at a pretty decent restaurant. Or a lot of good books from Half Price Books. What the crap, right?

I love my wedding.

I hate the guilt.



 Picture from Stuff Young Jewish Adults Like which is hysterically funny even if I am not jewish. I am Asian it’s almost the same thing really…


Author’s Note: I would belatedly like to add that being the genius I am, I found the cure all to wedding guilt: Say Yes To The Dress. I have never watched this show (Is it a show? Or more accurately a catastrophy?) till this weekend with my sister. We gaped in shock and awe at the brides and their dresses. Ten thousand for a wedding? Pshht… that is the average these girls are spending on their wedding. I feel justified now. So I might not be sending donations to poor Haitians but at least I am not spending in on an crazy wedding dress. Sissy and I didn’t even get to watch the whole thing. Cory switched off the TV in disgust something about giving me ideas. Not that I was heartbroken or anything but it was like watching a train wreck. You don’t want to look. But you just. Can’t. Help. It.



11 Comments leave one →
  1. March 1, 2010 5:52 am

    Im glad to hear it goes away.

    I feel terrible. I am spending over $20,000 on a wedding. It seems so absurd. I ahd suggested a wedding on the beach with a BBQ – probably pull it off for 5-7K but my parents have offered to help pull it into the 20 range for a traditional. My dads family is over 100 people. So my wedding is 230 and thats a slimmed down guest list. I know that sounds crazy, but I invited 20 guests (excluding my family and bridal party). I think about that and I know that less than 100 in head is awesome for boston… but its still 20K dollars. I could pay down part of my law loans, or pay off my credit cards, car and time share….

    Im glad you are over it. Its good to find out it leaves.

  2. March 1, 2010 12:01 pm

    I agree (and I went to Jewish pre-school and I’m asian!). But I actually am finding the most expensive things that I can’t cut, if I want to have it at my venue, namely: RENTALS. My boyfriend was threatening to make ours a BYOP (bring your own plate) wedding.

  3. March 1, 2010 12:07 pm

    Oh, by the way, and I totally understand if you don’t want to make this public, but I clicked on you “spent so far” link, and it seems like you might have left out some stuff (photographer cost?) Is that because someone else paid for it? Or you want to keep it private? I always find other people’s budget breakdowns helpful and interesting, even if I don’t share mine!

    • Jesselyn permalink*
      March 1, 2010 3:41 pm

      Totally forgot about that! Will put it up. Thanks.

  4. March 1, 2010 12:43 pm

    I totally get the guilt. I have guilt and we’re still 6 months out. Our 80 person, $8,000 wedding is ballooning fast into a 100 person, $10,000-$12,000 wedding and I hate it. But I’m glad to hear that you can sort of get over it. It helps.

  5. March 1, 2010 6:27 pm

    The problem is no matter what you do there will always be guilt as to how you’ve spent the money or not.

    I think we have to accept this and just get on with it? Says she who is spending money like water currently and hating it!

    • March 2, 2010 6:15 am

      good point!!!!!

      Theoretically you only get married once (or twice) and you definitely only live once. Basically we all need to suck it up? I like it.

  6. March 1, 2010 9:40 pm

    I so feel you on this post. Looking at our bank account now does suck. But it is a once in a lifetime event. You just have to try not to think about all the other more “practical” things you could do with the money.

    Wedding guilt sucks!

  7. March 2, 2010 1:35 pm

    shake it off, lady!

    experiences are invaluable.

    weddings are so ginormous, it’s nearly impossible not to have some icky feelings after. if you had saved instead of spent that ton of cash, you maybe would have different feelings of regret/disappointment now. ya know?

  8. March 4, 2010 6:12 pm

    I’m finding working out how much to spend on a wedding seriously hard, because there’s so many different opinions on it! My mother thinks I should just elope and use the money to put a deposit on a house; bridesmaids think I should splurge a little; wedding industry wants me to splurge a lot; my bank account is hoping for something not too unreasonable. I don’t think there’s any way of getting through this without some kind of guild, so I’m just hoping for some kind of balance.

    • Jesselyn permalink*
      March 5, 2010 2:20 am

      Balance. I think you are right on the money. Hopefully, you manage better than me!

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