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Why My (And Your) Engagement Ring Needs To Be So Big

May 6, 2010

The first thing Hilary Duff does after getting engaged? Take a picture of the ring and send it to all her friends.

After all the browsing of engagement rings yesterday, I starting thinking about why our engagement rings seem to need to be a particular size. Need being a relative term of course. ( Cory turns and looks at what I am looking at: rings. What? You need another one? ) If Cory turned around and gave me a 1/8 carat of a diamond I am not exactly going to keel over and die but he might. Kidding. Just kind of.

I am not going to beat around the bush to say I am superficial. For heaven’s sake, I have a wedding blog. And a personal one as if one blog wasn’t good enough. All my friends are superficial too to some degree. Unfortunately, I don’t seem to have the kind of super cool friends Joanna Goddard seem to have. Who drink ice coffee on sidewalks and wear super skinny gold wedding bands. If I sound snide, that was not my intention. I am really just jealous. Granted, a newly-made friend and I were just sitting on a Dallas sidewalk this weekend people watching and I just blogged about super skinny gold wedding bands. Though truth is, my friends are not the type of oo and ah about the an engagement ring from Brilliant Earth so I can simultaneously be sure my diamond is blood free and I am slowly saving slaves in Africa one diamond at a time.

If Cory got me the white topaz organic gold ring I just posted below, my friends would not be, “Oh how unique. So cool to get a handmade ring!”. It would be “Oh, how different“. I am not going to lie, I love that people’s eyes go wide when they see my ring. I love that girls want to try on my ring. That girls get giddy, for me, when they see my ring. Almost, as if, the appearance of said ring and its’ proximity might up their chances at getting a good ring. Which it probably will. Boys aren’t dumb. Before they buy your ring, they check out your friend’s rings so they don’t make a faux pas.

The first words out of someone’s mouth “Let’s see the ring!” *squeal* or “How did he propose?” *girly jumping up and down* (don’t ask me why girls do that. I have no idea.) before they even offer a congratulations. In fact, I believe many of them offer congratulations only after they have seen the ring! You don’t want to disappoint the girls. Heaven forbid! Nothing quite so sad as seeing that lit up look disappear from their eyes the moment they see your ring and try to put on a face for you and say “oh, how cute“. You try and cover, “Oh ya. We were really thinking of the little children in Africa”. Or the ever famous, “I don’t need a big diamond for him to show me how much he loves me”. While they happily agree, thankful you thought up of an excuse so they don’t have to.

So, someone want to do a social science test for me? Throw on a small diamond ring and prance around and see what people say? What was the weirdest thing someone has said about your ring? You know. The thing they said that made you go “WTF mate?” (inside).


15 Comments leave one →
  1. May 6, 2010 9:35 pm

    oh bitches be tripping

    I have a small diamond, because 1. My guy is poor. 2. I care about the children in Africa and I told him I wanted a perdot ring because diamonds are evil. 3. He laughed in my face and got me the diamond ring he could afford.

    My SIL said, “Don’t worry. I am sure he will upgrade you when he can.” She is my brother’s wife. I wanted to say, “At least my guy never cheated on me with a half dozen stripers.” I didn’t.

    People at work said “let me see it!!!!!!!!” and then, “oh. Nice.”

    girls with big rings make excuses. “Oh it was his grandmother’s diamond or we would have one like yours.”

    I was sad when I first saw it. I wanted a green effing stone!!!! Now, I love it more than life. It’s my beauty. I stare at it all the time. But, still, I wish I could get people to believe me instead of feeling sad for me 😉

    The tiny diamond has a flower around it. It IS purttttttttttty.

  2. May 6, 2010 10:35 pm

    I’ve had one incident that has stuck with me. I was in town for Bridesmaid E’s wedding and was talking with one of her friend’s boyfriends. I told him I was engaged and he said “oh let me see the ring.” He took one look at it and said “oh well it isn’t as big as Bridesmaid E’s ring.”

    I was floored that someone would even say this… but I mean.. he is sort of the dumb ass of Bridesmaid E’s friends boyfriends. So I should have expected it. And yes… he was right, it isn’t as big as Bridesmaid E’s ring. He soo didn’t have to say it out loud. Douche bag.

  3. Lakena Chea permalink
    May 6, 2010 11:18 pm

    I completely agree with you. I get all giddy inside everytime I get a compliment on my ring! It’s not a gorgeous art deco ring like yours. Mine’s a little bit more of a traditional 3 stone ring, princess cut, 1.12 carat center & 1/4 carat side stones. I will have to say however, that before the big ring hunt, I really believed that size was all that mattered! I mean, what’s more impressive than a huge 3 carat rock on your finger? We’ll it’s not impressive (to me…NOW) if it’s like a K in color and I in clarity!!

    I believe even if your fiance is on a tight budget, you can be bestowed with a smaller diamond as long as the quality is good! And I think that’s what the problem is with most people, they just believe bigger is better and they don’t bother getting educated on what makes diamonds so special and finding out what matters to them. Just picking out the pretty ring at Kay Jewelers is all the shopping they need to do–it’s wrapped up, boxed up and ready to shock or awe. That’s why I loved my experience at Robbin’s Bros. I spent a whole day in the back room with my then fiance (now husband), looking at diamonds under the scope, comparing cuts, clarity, etc…really and truly finding out what was immportant to me. We got an amazing diamond and had it put into a Ritani ring..and I couldn’t be happier. However, we spent so much on the ring that we kind of skimped on my band. We picked up a $499 band from Helzberg…but I don’t even wear it now, b/c it takes away from the beauty of my ring….Plus I don’t even get any compliments on my ring with the band on it. So I’m in your boat…fabulous ring…no band, but still completely crazy about that perfect sparkle.

  4. May 6, 2010 11:32 pm

    I have a small diamond (solitaire) with platinum setting.

    The Groomie bought me a lovely ring, which he proposed with, and then we went together to choose my ring.

    I have never wanted a big diamond, it just wouldn’t suit me. Evey shop we went to, they wouldn’t show me a small diamond and it was so frustrating. I ended up saying to them: “Stop looking at the Groomie. I am the one who wants a small diamond. It has nothing to do with the cost. IT IS WHAT I WANT.”

    And yeah I get the “Oh, cute” comments, which is annoying sometimes, but everyone who knows me goes “That is so you, I know it is exactly what you have always wanted!”

  5. May 6, 2010 11:58 pm

    wow – i’m amused that you actually wrote some of those things! at least you are honest…and that’s why i read you 🙂

    naw – i didn’t want diamonds at all. AT ALL. i WANTED a super skinny band! honestly.

    but Tommy insisted on diamonds. and so then i wanted SUPER SUPER skinny diamond band…and he got me bigger diamonds than what I wanted (but they probably wouldn’t meet your standards or anything! ha!) I LOVE IT!! It is perfecto. And nobody has ever given me a weird look or said anything remotely strange about my understated ring. I get nothing but lovely congratulations and big ass smiles!

    Oh yea – all of my girlfriends have huge diamond rings. but we do sit and sip iced coffees together…and iced tea…and diet cokes…and margaritas…and wine 🙂

    swear to god.

  6. Jesselyn Girl permalink*
    May 7, 2010 12:24 am

    @ jes – didn’t mean to be mean 😦 My friend who recently got engaged was proposed to with a eternity band of diamonds and it was just stunning.

  7. May 7, 2010 1:19 am

    As long as it’s shiny – I love it.

  8. May 7, 2010 3:48 am

    I picked the engagement ring I currently have on my finger. I was propsed to with a Hula Hoop (not the type you put round your waist – it’s an English crisp (ahem ‘chip’). BF had said, long ago that he could never choose a ring. So we picked it the day after.

    And I’m not going to lie: it’s small. I have small hands so couldn’t carry off a monster one, but I could also see the price tags and decided I would rather have a tiny ethical and good quality diamond than something big at a lower quality or frighteningly expensive. The cost of even this little one makes me slightly terrified sometimes.

    But a few weeks after we got engaged, I met a friend of a friend who had heard we were engaged – she had just got engaged herself.

    As you say, their first reaction was: “You’re X’s other engaged friend aren’t you? [Jumping up and down] Can I see the ring?!!’

    No joke: ours were exactly the same, except hers was like a giant version of mine. Seriously, about 5 times bigger. I laughed and said ‘Oh wow, mine’s like a mini version of yours!’. She didn’t seem to know what to say, was a bit awkward as if I’d be bothered by her clearly much bigger and more expensive ring. (Which I wasn’t in the slightest). It was a very odd situation.

  9. May 7, 2010 8:00 am

    Seriously, what’s up with the engagement-reaction being all about the ring? It made me so uncomfortable when I first told people about the engagement and I’d watch their eyes immediately shift down to my hand. It made me feel like the marriage news was so insignificant to the jewelry news. And let alone how it had to make my fiance feel – run along now, you man, you’ve done your job now let us talk about catat size.

    Cupcake – I cannot believe your SIL said that to you. I can’t imagine how I would have responded!

  10. Margaret permalink
    May 7, 2010 12:18 pm

    I don’t have any stones on my engagement ring, and it’s also going to be my wedding ring. And surprisingly, people have never said anything snide about it (and no, I don’t have any super-cool indie type [haha] friends IRL).

    I know it’s probably not what people are expecting when they say, “lemme see the ring!” but everyone who’s asked to see it has complimented the design and very “me” (is that an insult? I like to think it’s not, LOL).

    And frankly, it is me, and that’s all I really care about… I’m just not into bling, aesthetically or as a status symbol or a symbol of how loved I am — which isn’t to say that’s what *every* huge diamond means to the wearer, but in our culture, it can sometimes take on that connotation.

  11. May 7, 2010 12:54 pm

    Oh sweetpea, I usually agree with you but this time no!

    Admittedly I do have a super awesome ring but it really isn’t about the ring?

    I would have said yes because I want to be married.

  12. bex11 permalink
    May 18, 2010 3:52 pm

    I enjoy your blog, but I’m going to dissent from popular opinion on this one.

    I didn’t want an engagement ring. Never have. I’ve always just wanted a wedding band like my husbands. Just a wedding band. No diamonds, rocks or sparkle. It’s supposed to be a symbol of commitment, not something to be judged, measured or categorized by.

  13. September 22, 2010 6:19 am

    When I first got engaged (to the man of my dreams, mind you), of course the response from everyone was, “Let’s see the ring!” like it’s supposed to symbolize how much the guy loves you (which it can, but probably doesn’t apply much to us since we were both poor college students when we got engaged).

    Anyway, this one girl (more of an acquaintance than a friend, I suppose) said something absolutely ludicrous: “That’s a PROMISE ring, not an engagement ring, right?”

    And one of my other friends was nice enough to say, “Well, hopefully he’ll upgrade it someday”.

    I don’t consider myself to be shallow, but I’m much happier wearing just my wedding ring these days (we’ve been married for over 2 years now).

  14. Ann permalink
    April 10, 2012 11:41 pm

    It doesn’t matter if you have a small ring or a large one. I think women get nasty comments no matter what. I have a 100 year old 10 carat emerald ring my husband gave me. I get nasty comments on it, even though it’s stunning. I get comments such as… “You shouldn’t wear that all the time, emeralds can break… that’s too big for your hands… is that real? I don’t believe that’s real… a bit showy, isn’t it?… Do you have a diamond set also?”, etc. etc. Yes, I actually do have a diamond wedding set, but like to wear my 100 year old ring. You can’t win ladies. You can get nasty comments when you wear a large ring or a small ring. My diamond is a one carat princess, but it’s deep and so it looks much smaller. I get pity comments on that one too. My husband had it put in another setting with another carat and a half of diamonds surrounding it. Now no one says a thing about my diamond set. That solve that, but people are just nasty no matter what you do. It’s like the three bears and if you don’t hit that middle ground of ‘just right’, you get too many unwanted comments. Yes, sometimes I ditch it all and just wear my gold wedding band. Too much hassle.

    • Jesselyn Girl permalink*
      April 17, 2012 1:18 pm

      You are right. There are always going to be the haters. Eff them all.

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