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Faithless Or Careful?

June 7, 2010

Cory and I have a joint bank account. Which I think is wise for a married couple. However, I also have my own bank account. For just me. Cory knows about it and it doesn’t bother him, really.

In a lot of ways, it is a smart choice. While working on The Shoestring Bride it works as a business account. While working on my wardrobe, it works as my secret I-don’t-want-Cory-to-know-I-spent-a-hundred-dollars-on-a-new-pair-of-shoes account. My married for 29-years mother encourages this separate bank account. She told me because in case anything happens (ie: Heaven forbid, Cory passes away), if the government freezes my bank account while working out the will I could still have my own bank account. Maybe it is just in my head, but I hear what she does not say. In case, Cory cheats on me… In case, he leaves me… In case we get a divorce … In case… In case. Or maybe I am hearing things she is not saying at all in order to justify my actions.

When Cory and I had been dating for a few months he asked me why I was holding a part of me back from him. “What do you mean?” I asked, all innocence personified. I knew exactly what he was talking about. I had secreted a part of my heart away from him. Our relationship scared me. I had given him so much of me already. If Cory broke my heart, I didn’t know if I could recover. When I told him, he was hurt, “But I give you all of me.” With time, eventually, I relinquished the last part of my heart. I think that is pretty obvious, seeing as, you know, we got married and all.

Now, we are married and I am still careful. Do I think Cory would ever cheat on me? Probably not. Would he leave me? I don’t think so. So why do I have a separate bank account? Faithless? Or smart? Careful? Or foolish?



11 Comments leave one →
  1. Michelle permalink
    June 7, 2010 11:24 pm

    If Cory ever cheats on you, I will have grandma’s old, large (and sharp) sewing scissors to cut his hoo ha. . .

  2. June 7, 2010 11:45 pm

    Only your heart knows the answer to that one. If it’s a business account–fine. If it’s a shopping account, thats ok too. But I think if it’s a “just in case corey leaves me account,” then you need to pause and reflect on what’s going on in your heart.

  3. June 8, 2010 1:07 am

    We have a joint account and each have a separate account of our own too. Works for us! I don’t think it means you don’t trust him, or any of those bad things, it just means your still you, as well as an us.

    • Jesselyn Girl permalink*
      June 8, 2010 1:23 am

      Do you mind me asking why you and Mr. T decided to have a separate banking account and a joint one as well? How did you come to that decision?

  4. June 8, 2010 6:36 am

    We have our own accounts and a joint account.

    We got the joint account when we moved in together to pay for the mortgage and all the bills but I always wanted us to keep our own accounts.

    That way we both put money into the joint one to cover the main stuff and all money left we can use as we please.

    My parents have NEVER had a joint account so I think thats way I always wanted to keep my own too.

  5. June 8, 2010 7:13 am

    Wow, I didn’t know that having seperate accounts was such a heavy handed issue… I thought it was much more the norm these days.

    Craig and I have our own accounts and it’s simply because we want to be able to continue our little expensive habits (his is golf and golf related accessories, mine is well, just accessories :)) without having any potential guilt or having to justify it. I’m an obsessive balance-checker and penny pincher and he isn’t, it just wouldn’t work for us to share all the money.

    That said, it’s all about how you feel about your decision. If it doesn’t feel right, change what you’re doing.

  6. June 8, 2010 9:20 am

    we have separate accounts and we just opened a joint one when we got engaged for wedding stuff. I don’t think it’s that emotional for us…just more practical.

  7. June 8, 2010 10:39 am

    We met with separate accounts. We may merge but I will always keep my own account for prettiness.

    Not because I don’t trust him, I just like to buy him secret pretty things too.

  8. Bryan permalink
    June 8, 2010 11:33 am

    One can never be to careful. With the statistics stacked against us, it is prudent to protect yourself at least to some degree, especially against probate.

    I’ve read the other comments and agree with them for the most part. My two cents is that a joint account should be for items with collective responsibility (i.e. bills, tithe, etc.). Individual accounts are for those non-budget items ($100 pairs of shoes or $800 hockey skates or special “just because” presents). We always did an “allowance” that was proportional to the amount of income we were bringing in.

    In every marriage, each party needs to maintain a certain level of individual identity. For some it’s man-caves or spa rooms, for others it’s individual bank accounts. I think it helps the 2 parts become a better whole. Like others have said, having your own bank account doesn’t mean you have less trust in the relationship. Just be open and honest about why the account exists. A hard truth is better than a soft lie.

  9. June 8, 2010 9:58 pm

    We also have separate accounts. I don’t know, I think we just trust each other. We know exactly how each of us makes. He pays for all the bills, and every month I give him a check for half. We make all big purchase decisions together. I pay for all the groceries, he always pays when we go out. Other than than that, we pay for all our own spendings. It just works well for us that way.

  10. A Smart permalink
    June 9, 2010 2:22 pm

    You know me and Mr. S have had joint bank accounts for well practically since the day we started dating, however thats only because I have full control (would you expect it any other way) but I think it all comes down to what you spend money on and if the other person understands what you are going to spend it on. God help me there have been days where I could ring his neck for what he buys and spends but I have learned to live with it and he has learned to live with the fact that I am not going to spend over what we have saved for bills and what we need for Superbaby M. I never figured you guys would get a joint bank account lol but more power to you if you can agree to keep money seperate that is just as difficult as seperate accounts. Oh and I am with michelle if cory every cheats he doesn’t stand a chance!!

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