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Dear Shoestring: OMG Make Up Your Mind

July 5, 2010
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The next issue:

How do you deal with a guy and in laws that take a really long time to make decisions? I come from a fast acting/responding family

Ladies (and whatever gentlemen who actually read wedding blogs), this is why wedding planning is so good for your future marriage. Get all of this out of the way before you say “I do”. Awesome practice. It’s like a Starbucks on crack. Non-fat milk or soy? Evening or afternoon wedding? Venti or Grande? Sit down dinner or buffet? Decaf or extra-espresso shot? Cake or cupcakes? Joy.

In Cory and my relationship, usually one makes the decisions and the other just goes “okay”. For a while I sort of forgot that we are a team, and when I make a decision, I am making a decision for both of us. There were a lot of “oops” moments. Like, “Oh, sorry honey, I completely forgot you are hydrophobic and hate water when I said ‘yes’ to that boat trip out on the lake”. Or even with more serious things, “oh honey, I applied to New York University. What do you mean you don’t want to move to New York?”

With time, we worked things out. Or at least, a sort of terms of agreement so to speak. With logistics, places to live, paying the bills, furnishing the apartment, I make the decision with a courtesy “oh by the way”. He makes decision about … well, I don’t really know what he makes decisions about. Okay,  maybe Cory doesn’t make really any decisions. Our terms of agreement is I make the decisions but Cory makes the last call. Thankfully my beloved is pretty amendable.

 In your case, if he wants to make the call and he just takes for-freaking-ever to come to a conclusion, then I would suggest you pull the same tricks Cory and I use when we need to figure out where we want to eat for dinner and no one can make up their minds.

Dilemma: What to eat for dinner.

Step 1. Someone narrow down a list of possible selections.

Cory: Ok, I feel like American.

Step 2. Someone gives some options.

Me: Ok, you have five choices: Chilis, T.G.I.Fridays, BWW, Babes, or Fuddruckers.

Step 3. He makes final call.

Cory: Fuddruckers. Their cheese-sauce sounds good.

This can be applied to Wedding Dates.

You: Honey, we need to decide when to have this shin-dig.

Him: (while playing World of Warcraft) Mm-Hm.

You: I have narrowed it down to these dates: Feb 20th 2011, June 10 2011, July 13th 2011, or August 9th 2011.

Him: (only vaguely listening) Mm-Hm.

Extra tip: You need to make this easy for your guy or he is never going to get around to doing it. It is like making a resolution to go to the gym after work. You need to put your gym bag in your car after work for first couple of times or you are going to chicken out. Same thing. Men are lazier.

You: I have even circled the dates on this calender here on the fridge.

Him: Sweet. Okay. I’ll think about it. I need to talk to my parents.

You: So can you give me an answer by the end of the week?

Him: Hm – what? End of this week? Why?

You: (In the most patient voice you can muster up) Because if not, the church/ hotel/ restaurant is going to not have any dates left for 2011, honey. If not, then we are just going to go for June 10th 2011, okay? Love you. I am meeting Marly at the David’s Bridal. Bye!

Narrow things down, and let them make the decision because men are so crazy like that and want to be manly and call the shots. The trick is to let them think they wear the pants in the relationship when really, we know who really does don’t we?

 

Yay for manipulations and marriages.

 

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5 Comments leave one →
  1. July 5, 2010 1:51 pm

    Bean does drive me crazy with his indecision.

    I have been trying to train him but he is still deviously slow!

  2. July 5, 2010 7:06 pm

    I make snap decisions. I decide on something, and that’s it. I think Paddy just finds it easier to go along with it.

  3. Reese permalink
    July 6, 2010 12:05 am

    Thanks goodness in Malaysia, we Chinese still let the geomancer helps select potential dates. Easier and no one would really want to argue on
    “good dates”

    • Jesselyn Girl permalink*
      July 6, 2010 12:14 am

      I was going to do this for traditions sake but my mother was like “don’t do it!”
      Apparently, they had to get married on a Tuesday or something equally silly because that was when their luck was best. Though mom and dad have been married for nearly 30 years now so maybe there is something to it

    • Lakena Chea permalink
      July 6, 2010 11:52 pm

      That’s cool. In Cambodia it’s not specific dates, but more like time frames in general (months) We had already a date in mind and coincidently it was one of our “good months”.. LOL

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